Rambling Excuses

It’s the last week of April, a full third of the year gone. I find it amazing that it’s so late in the year. A lot of living has occurred in the last four months; a lot of writing, but not enough.
I’m a character writer and a very lucky one. Usually, my characters come forward and want to tell me their story (no, I’m not crazy-gifted)-all I have to do is write it-right? Wrong! So wrong.
I used to believe that, I was just telling the story as the character revealed it to me. Now, ever so many years later I know they give me the basis and it’s up to me to enhance, tweak and shape the manuscript into something readable. Something sellable. That is the goal; to write and sell and do it while I’m alive to enjoy the ride.
The current manuscript is proving difficult, I tell myself because it’s more challenging. The plot is more developed and the subplots-interesting. I tell myself it’s the best yet.
But, I’ve given the first three chapters to critique partners and they’ve read and commented on the manuscript. Both have asked me what I thought of their comments-I honestly don’t know. I’ve found more excuses to not open those documents than kids can think of when they forgot to do their homework. What if they hated it? What if the plot isn’t good enough? What if…?
I wonder if I’m the only one plagued with self-doubt so crippling that the fingers freeze on the mouse, can’t double click to open the document or if other more confident writers would just blow off the comments. Do I have the right stuff for this job? I don’t know, but I’m out of excuses so I guess it’s time. Past time maybe.
Life is good!
Ella